three months old!

I remember sitting in the glider one August night at around 3am. Nathan was up for the second time that night and I was counting down the hours until sunrise. I knew I would probably not fall asleep again until around 5am--just in time for the next feeding. Nathan would take about an hour to soothe and then I would take another hour to soothe (thank you, Danny). Words I had read that day swam through my tired mind: everything changes by three months. They start sleeping through the night, their GI systems have worked out the kinks, you will know what different cries mean...the list goes on. Perhaps it was exhaustion or simply delusional thinking, but I did not want that day to come. I enjoyed those lonely hours, examining every crease and hair on my baby's body. I loved listening to his gentle hum as he ate his (second) midnight snack. I knew I would one day miss those sweet hours when it seemed we were the only ones alive.

I think that day has come. The infant that used to lie lightly on my shoulder now pulls back to look around. Only occasionally do we sit alone at night...he'd rather wait until dawn. With all my heart I miss holding his heavy head to get him to burp and all the other wonderful pleasures of those first few weeks. But life goes on.

Today my baby turned three months old. He mostly sleeps through the night (at least 6-8 hours), he rarely grunts or wines with gas anymore, and he has a terrific curiosity about the world. He is growing out of his clothes quickly and loves to stand on my lap. He coo's (more like gha's and ni's) with great intent. I cannot believe how he has changed in the past 13 weeks! Still I am far from understanding his cries...I stand there racking my brain for a possible reason. I cannot figure out when to put him down or how to help him through the afternoon hours. Soothing does not come naturally to me yet, and neither do outings. But I love him more than life and that is as natural as can be.

And every time he looks at me and his face lights up... that very moment is my favorite.