The Obligatory Birth Story

How can a bright eyed (well, I was bright eyed until I stopped sleeping a few weeks ago) Mommy not record the most glorious experience of her existence? Perhaps it doesn't have to be for the world (or a very small portion of the world that is 'my friends') to see, but that is the fun of blogging. I write it, you can chose to read it or not to read it. So here we go. Brace yourself. It is a long one. If you just want the details the cliff notes are at the bottom.

Background: Nathan was delivered by C-section because he was breech. I was devestated, having wanted a completely natural birth (the thought of not being able to run if a bear was chasing me down the Labor and Delivery Unit of a city hospital terrifies me...I did not want an epidural). I was devastated; that is, until he was in my arms and then I couldn't remember why I cared. Nonetheless, I really wanted for some sick reason to push the hardest I have ever pushed to bring a human baby into the world. I'm just wired that way. For the challenge. I think most women are.

More Background: We had a difficult time getting pregnant with Nathan and were facing the same problems this time around. By last summer, we were well into the domestic adoption process. In September we received a call that a birth mother was interested in letting us adopt her baby boy. Papers were signed and we began Georgia's 10 day waiting period. We had one night to name him, and it was clear that we should name him Elijah. We could not wait to bring him home! Then the call came that the mother had decided to take the baby home. Words could not describe how we felt...we were devastated, though he was never really ours. As I was sitting in Bible study the next day, praying for comfort, the LORD made it so clear to me that we were to name him Elijah because He took him from us. Just like the prophet Elijah, he was not dead, but he belonged to the LORD. He would be an instrument of grace for this young mother who needed to know how even mistakes we make can be made beautiful. That is redemption. This word was like a salve. I knew it was all in His plan and somehow that made it OK.

Three weeks later we discovered I was pregnant. We were very confused and really did not believe it. We had more testing done and it was confirmed. We sat amazed at the blessing the LORD had given us.

She sat breech for most of my pregnancy just as Nathan had. I prayed and prayed that the LORD would make it clear to me if I should have another c-section or attempt to VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). Being a Labor and Delivery nurse, I knew the risks and had seen the "bad stuff" (uterine ruptures being literally run back to the OR hoping to save the baby--an uterus--before the bleeding took both). So I just prayed for a clear answer.

We went to Denver to visit my family when I was around 31 weeks. While out for a walk, I tripped and fell forward. (Apparently, I need to stay off the streets when I go to Denver.) There were no signs of abruption or any other complications. I tried to relax, knowing that I would have an ultrasound as soon as I got home.

I knew something was different. I had more indigestion than usual, not much appetite and she wasn't moving quite the same. I was eager to see that all was well at our 32 weeks ultrasound (since my wonderful doctor had "assured" me that whatever happened happened--there was nothing we could do about it now). The ultrasound probe hit my pelvis and lo and behold, there was a head DOWN THERE! Our sweet baby had flipped when I fell and she was now vertex!

I enjoyed every kick (Nathan only kicked me in my crotch) and contraction from that point forward. At 38 weeks I was 4 cm dilated and having irregular contractions. I continued to pray that the LORD would make it clear what I was supposed to do when the time came.

Side Note: I have spent the last few months learning that we really do not need to know what to do until the time comes to do it. It is nice when we do get to know, but it is not a need. And even what we do "know" is a false security. It can all change in an instance. I do believe that plan is quite a funny word.)

I sat at 4 cm contracting irregularly for a week. I walked 5-6 miles a day trying to get things going, but it was to no avail. It seemed that each time I became frustrated, walking harder and hoping to contract, I could hear a voice telling me, "Stop striving, just wait." My doctor decided to have me come in on Sunday to break my water and get me on the monitor. I decided to sit back and enjoy the last few days alone with my little boy and just get excited for what was to come.

On Sunday morning, we headed to the hospital. A good friend of ours came to stay with Nathan while I was laboring. We arrived at the hospital at 5am and was admitted. A good friend and fellow L&D nurse arrived at 7am and my doctor arrived at 8am. He broke my water and let me continue to contract. We decided that it would be wise to get an epidural in the case that I had to be rushed back for a c-section--I wanted to be awake for the delivery (in an emergency situation, they would use general anesthesia rather than waste the time putting in a spinal). So the anesthesiologist came to do my epidural. As mentioned before, I am terrified of the thought of not being able to move or feel my legs. I asked the anethesiologist to place a working epidural but not to really medicate me. So she didn't. She gave me the dose to make sure it works (temporarily numbs, but then fades away).

After about 30 minutes, we realized that the epidural was only working for my right side. My doctor came back at around 10am, checked me, and said that I was still 4cm. I was discouraged, because my contractions were really hurting, sending me to my happy place every 2-3 minutes. But my doctor encouraged me to be patient. We had the anesthesiologist place another epidural. It still did not work, so for another hour I labored in pain. To be fair, it is what I wanted. I wanted it with Nathan and in my heart of hearts I wanted it this time too. But it is hard to say that when you are hurting so much.

At 11:30, when I thought another contraction would make me puke, my friend offered to check me. The most beautiful words came out of her mouth! I was ready to start pushing!! God was starting to make it very clear. My nurse called my doctor and everyone ran around like crazy getting the room ready for baby. Between contractions, I was instructing Danny on how to set up the baby bed. My doctor came in and we began to push. He knew I was most nervous about the pushing part (a uterine rupture after the head is out is NOT an ideal situation), but he encouraged me to start pushing. So I did. It was great. I pushed with all my might and never had a chance to think about the bad stuff. While I did my part, all of my wonderful nurses were out at the nurses station praying for a safe delivery. Seven contractions later, Miriam Ruth was born!!

I may or may not have reached down to deliver her myself. My nurse might have even had to slap my hands and my doctor possibly scolded, "wait for the cord!" I don't know what came over me. The beautiful culmination of the last 9 months--no, nearly two years--this overwhelming relief and the weight of a baby--MY baby--heavy and soggy in my trembling arms. No matter how many times I have seen it, it will always be a miracle to me. There she was screaming and swollen, a child bitterly wished for, beloved of God.

It was by far the most amazing experience of my entire life. From very start to very end, I loved every minute of it. I did feel a bit like a run had been cut short. I expected to push much longer. But for the safety of everyone involved, it was just perfect. I wanted to get back on the ride and do it again. But now I was called to something much more difficult than labor with less-than-an-epidural. I must parent this little girl. To raise her to seek true Beauty, to know her worth as a child of God, and to take each step remembering by Whom and for Whom she was created. I get to watch her dance and spin, and I have to watch her fall and stand up again.

All of that makes the blood curdling screams in the evenings and sleepless nights seem like cake. How grateful I am that for now all I have to do is hold her, love her and pray for her.

 I suppose, when it really comes down to it, that is all I have to do at all.
 

 

Cliff Notes

-Needed infertility drugs to get pregnant with Nathan, tried for a year and a half to get pregnant again, started the adoption process, adopted a baby in September, birth mother revoked rights after a few days and took the baby home. Ouch but OK.

-Three weeks later, we discovered I was pregnant. WHAT?!

-Nathan was breech, delivered by c-section, and I was hoping I might get to have a VBAC this time around. Prayed it would be obvious what I should do. 

-4cm for a week, water broken on Sunday May 27th at 8am, still 4cm at 10 o'clock. Epidural left one side completely mobile and feeling every contraction. Ready to push by at 11:45, Miriam Ruth born at 12:13am after pushing for 7 contractions! 7lb 15oz and beautiful!

-Very Cool.