the count down

The big ultrasound was scheduled for today at 3pm. This US and exam would determine our next step--version or c-section. I never wanted it to come to this. I prayed and prayed this week that the Lord would make it abundantly clear to me what I was to do. Friday are not very busy days in Labor and Delivery (doctors don't love to round on the weekends so they don't usually schedule inductions for Fridays...can you blame them?). So I fully expected to have time to run upstairs for my appointment and scan this afternoon.

Then I saw the schedule. It was one of the busiest days all week...lots of labor and lots of sick pregos.

At about 8:30, my doctor walked by the desk to chat. He offered to take me upstairs right then (before the other doctors came to write orders and the day got crazy). So up we went!

So now for the update:
I am still dilating, now almost 2 cm. So all of my contractions are changing things, but slowly. The ultrasound revealed a beautiful little baby weighing (estimated) 6lb 2oz. The cord is all up around Bun's face and the amniotic fluid index is on the low side of normal. This is not a problem for the pregnancy, but is a problem for a version. All signs pointed to no version today, which I was grateful for. I already feel like some how I have not been dedicated enough or tried hard enough to turn this baby. But knowing that the cord could be compromised and that both feet are pretty well stuck in my cervix, I am sure that it is only by an act of God that this baby will turn. And I believe He may not even want that.

So we scheduled my C-section for the 11th of August. It still makes me a little sick to say it. I cannot believe I have to have a C-section. After such an amazing pregnancy, staying healthy and preparing for natural childbirth that THIS is the road I must take. Not to mention the frustration of having to choose my baby's birthday!

I will be 38.4 that day. Hopefully the baby will be ready. The doctor seems to think the baby will likely come before the 11th, but I told him I preferred mine well done. I guess I will have to settle for medium rare.
sweet little hand waving at us! i cannot wait to kiss those little fingers!
see those lips? those are Danny's lips!!! and what a sweet nose!

what a day...

The first part of this is an update. But be warned! If you are a visual thinker or have a weak stomach, you may want to skip to the next paragraph. For anyone still reading, I lost my mucus plug today! No need to go into details. If you are that curious I am sure you can google it without running into many parental controls. This certainly does not mean I am going to go into labor today or tomorrow, but it is an exciting step toward meeting Bun face to face. HORRAY!

The rest of this posting is not about the baby. Instead it is about God's faithfulness and provision. I have been worrying a lot about all these recent expenses...a $4500 HVAC unit for the upstairs, repairing the washer that doesn't spin, buying the last few [big] things for the baby, new tires, etc. While I love my job as a nurse and wife to a very busy resident, some times the responsibilities of managing a household single-handedly can be overwhelming. Not to mention I have so pretty crazy hormonal imbalances at this stage in the game that are making things a little more exciting.

Today I had a fix-it party. The GE repairman and all the heating and air guys came over for some doughnuts and juice and a lot of dirty work. As the gentleman began working on the washer, reattaching the door, resetting the drum and screwing down a lot of random pieces, I thought I should ask what the damage was going to be. I certainly did not want to spend $400 on repairs when I could just get a new washer and start from scratch. I knew GE charges $85 for the repair man to simply drive to the house--even if he doesn't do anything!

This very kind gentleman walked over to me and said, "For whatever reason, this call is listed as 'under warrenty.' Are you sure you didn't purchage one when you bought the appliance?" For the life of me I could not remember. I was pretty sure that we did not pay for anything beyond the basic because GE appliances are usually trustworthy. Maybe the warrenty is 2 yrs instead of one? I don't know. But either way, he could not charge me for the visit or repairs! I don't know how much I saved today, but it was enough just to know that there is no reason for me to sweat this stuff.

Now if only I could get a warrenty to cover the $4500 HVAC.

decisions, decisions...

As promised, I am writing to give an update from our appointment today. And the verdict is: we still don't know anything. Bun is breech, I am still 1cm now 25% effaced and we don't know if we will be able to flip the baby. The doctor wants me to return on Friday (the last office day before the version would have to be done) for an ultrasound and another exam. Then we have to decide if a version is really what we want to do anyway. Though it has the potential to "give me what I want," we risk having to rush back for an emergency C-section, I would have to be put to sleep, miss the "delivery" and Bun would be only 37 weeks and a few days. Otherwise, I just "give up" and embrace everything that goes along with having a section: rapid delivery, sterile environment, Bun whisked away to the nursery, longer recovery, scary anesthesiologists (trust me, I work with them every day) and a beautiful, round-headed, well-cared for, big-eyed baby staring back at me. mmmm...

It seems that the Lord is teaching me very quickly how to make decisions. I have always had a difficult time making any decision. A trip to Baskin' Robins involved 30 choices too many. Instead we needed to go to a simpler ice cream stand where I still had to choose between chocolate, vanilla or swirl. To this day I still want chocolate AND vanilla but not swirled (then it is neither chocolate or vanilla any more). I could spend hours trying to choose a birthday card so I always had to just make them. I am always trying to weight the options, make the perfect decision, wondering if I will regret it down the line. In the past few weeks, I have been faced with more decisions than ever before. Replace the 26 year-old gas furnace in the nursery? With what? Flip the baby? Schedule a C-section? For when? Change my work schedule now and risk losing paid maternity leave? Get Margot groomed this week or closer to delivery? Replace the washer or just pay a couple hundred to get it repaired? And what in the world should I make for desert for our small group? I think the best option is to just take a nap.

But when I wake up all those decisions are still there. Today I decided to try a new approach. When it comes time to decide, I just need to make a decision and then not look back. So that's what I started to do. I still don't know HOW each decision is made, but I just don' t have the energy or time to spend another minute thinking about it. I would appologize for sounding so impetuous or careless, but I've already moved on.

36 weeks!

So I have not exactly been faithful in posting, but I'm back for the home stretch. The last few weeks have brought a lot of change and excitement, thought not exactly as I had planned.

We have had two amazing baby showers to celebrate Bun. I feel so loved a supported by my friends in Augusta it is overwhelming. My mom was able to fly out for the shower hosted by my Sunday School. It was great to have her around to experience my expansiveness and help me prepare for baby. We had a wonderful few days together.

I had my 35 week OB visit while she was here. As confirmed by the 32 week ultrasound, Bun is still breech. I was sure of it because I can constantly feel that sweet baby's occipital protuberance (that knob on the back of your head) like a bruise on my belly. Since I have been contracting pretty regularly at work and working out, the doctor wanted to check my cervix a little early. My mom was a champ throughout this unexpected Southern exposure. The doctor said I was 1 cm dilated and soft (meaning it is ripe or ready to dilate). He also said that he could feel a foot. Less than exciting news, though entirely expected.

My next appointment is Monday the 27th. We will then be able to determine if we will need to schedule a C-section or try to flip the baby (called a version). I was hoping it would not come to this. In some ways I believe that if the baby is meant to be vertex, the Lord will get it there. Otherwise, there may be a reason the baby is breech. But on the other hand, perhaps the Lord would use the version to get the baby where He intends it to be. This may sound like a silly struggle to many. Perhaps it is just the position I am in or hormones or something. I just want to make the right choice. I am learning through all of this to lay down my plans and intentions--something that is very hard for me to do.

So for all who are wondering, I should have a better estimate of when Bun will be here by Monday! For the most part I think everything else is as it should be (except for the bag to go to the hospital...hmmm). Diapers are washed, the bassinet is made up, and I feel totally clueless as to how to care for a baby. Sounds like we are ready!

I had a dream last night that I woke up at home after my C-section and held the baby for a while. I then cleaned the house and went furniture shopping. After a while I realized that the baby was napping at home, and I had not fed it since it was delivered. I was thinking, "If I had only done scheduled feedings this wouldn't have happened!" For Bun's sake, lets pray I am a better mommy than that!

Bun weighs about almost 6 lbs now! That belly is really getting out there. I'd like to mention that this was post-eliptical after work on Wednesday night.

And thank you, sweet family, for sending me pictures for Bun's book. I finished making it on Tuesday, and I cannot wait to show Bun all the wonderful people he or she will have in his/her life! Here's just a sample. For the rest, you'll have to come visit!